MACHINEHEAD SOFTWARE - Key Persons

Prepares food for the entire team of Nigel Jones clones. His pasta is bellissimo and his spaghetti bolognese is gaining a gourmet reputation world wide. Jones the chef also makes all the tea and coffee and prepares all the isotonic and hypotonic energy drinks for the entire team. Jones the chef has been known to make a 20 mile round trip just to obtain wild strawberries in support of his gourmet cause (only problem is the strawberries didn't make it back to Bristol!). His blackberry and apple crumble is becoming world famous, and he has a black belt in custard making. None of the Nigel clones have ever eaten frogs legs or snails.

Job Titles:

• Graphic Designer
• Managing Director
• Member of the Management Team
• Programming Manager
• Systems Analyst
• Javascript Programmer
• Musician and Sound Engineer
• Software Tester
• Web Page Designer

The boss has his own page here. He is the original toenail clipping donor whose DNA spawned the entire team of NJ clones. Responsibilities include: Liaison with the boss. Asking the programmers difficult technical questions like "how long is it going to take". Attending meetings. Creates pert charts. Sets targets for the programmers and developers. Reviews progress of the applications programs at all stages of the software life cycle. This Nigel Jones clone writes all the more tricky Visual Basic and Javascript code. Acts as mentor to Jones the junior VB programmer, assists Jones the Javascript programmer and works in close collaboration with Jones the Analyst and the testers. Its his job to interpret the specifications, designs and other documentation from the systems analyst, write the code, and explain it to the testers. Jones the programmer was involved in all stages of the software development life cycle for all of the bicycle software and all the other miscellaneous downloads on this site, including the Music Player, the web developers tools and the Windows version of the Bicycle Chain Length Calculator. This Nigel Jones clone writes all the easy Visual Basic code. Asks Jones the senior programmer for help when difficulties are encountered with the code. The junior programmer's responsibilities include maintenence of DoshCalc, LevelCalc, ChillCalc and the visual basic version of Lotto. Also he acts as a 'stand in' when the senior programmer is providing consultancy services for other companies, so he has some inputs on all the other programs, throughout the software life cycle. Nigels most recent contribution to the suite of software for cyclists was the GearCalc's shiny new Fixed Wheel Gear Calculator. His most recent Miscellaneous Downloads were Fractions and Su Doko Jones the systems analyst details the user requirements and constraints then draws boxes with adjoining lines. Responsible for overall system architecture, and maintaining a clear perception of the big picture. Any design problems are not the bosses fault. Responsibility rests with the systems analysis clone. Similarly Jones the analyst produces all of the supporting documentation for the programs. Jones the analyst reviews the programs designs at all stages of the software life cycle. Nigels responsibilities include authoring the nice javascripts that are dotted around the site. Including: The Abacus, the body mass index calculator, the heart rate calculator (in collaboration with the ABCC), the crank length calculator, the lottery number generator, the spam reduction script, and of course the complaints department, weapons emporium, OXO (with bikes and cones!), and Nigels Puzzle. Hand codes HTML and Javascript using notepad and some in house development tools written by Jones the programmer. Created the speed, distance, time calculators, the Body Fat Percentage Calculator, the Bicycle Chain Length Calculator and the Traffic Cone Torture pages. Responsible for thorough testing of all programs. So if any bugs slip through the net blame the testing clone not me. Other responsibilities include, test riding the bike and helping out the graphics design and customer support teams on an ad hoc basis. Jones the tester is involved in testing the programs at all stages of the software life cycle. Nearly all of the photographs on this site were taken by Jones the photographer. Some were taken with an Olympus OM1 then scanned, later pictures were taken using an Agfa 1800. Prior to working at Machinehead Software this clone did a lot of technical photography for CEGB and Nuclear Electric using a variety of 35mm SLR cameras, and completely manual cameras attached to various microscopes. Having said that some of this clones photography is shite, but some is quite arty. Others are arresting examples of Nigels professional photography Designed the icons for the spoke length calculator, bicycle gear calculator, bike power calculator, CrankCalc. Designed the Machinehead Software logo and many of the graphics displayed on various other parts of the web site, including Cone The Destroyer and those cute little traffic cone daleks. Drew the voice bubbles onto some of Jones the photographer's pictures. For his 4th birthday Nigel was given his first plastic guitar and a Bert Weedon book. At 4 years and a week he still had the book and the guitar - but no strings! Does this make Nigel the worlds youngest air guitar player? Nigel took up guitar again after leaving school. Starting with air guitar (so his fingers wouldn't sting), then graduating to a real guitar. With some persistence Nigel eventually achieved mediocreity and played the silly riff's that are distributed around this site. One day this clone will be just like Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa and all those other top guitarists. Possibly not as rich but every bit as dead. This clone was instrumental in the development of the Machinehead Music Player.